Uninvited Hopes

It was a day of july, heavy rain was expected, the sky was covered with black clouds & it was no longer a sunny day. 

The shops were closing, the hawkers were wrapping their stuff, people were returning to their homes & I was headed to meet you. Unaware of my destiny I left home with a bag, water bottle, umbrella & a scarf. 

After standing for 15 minutes on bus stops in heavy rain & irresistible wind I realized that I had expected too much from the bus service. But I couldn't go back to home without submitting my form for the admission. 

Being a procrastinator, it wasn't new for me to rush at the very last moment but this time I actually thought I won't be able to make it. 

I finally got on the bus & reached to the stop you told me and you called me at the very right moment saying; "Where are you? Would you be able to reach on time? Okay just follow the directions" 

Running towards the building, all with my wet clothes and wet shoes I almost slipped in front of you but you didn't notice thankfully. 

"why do I have to be clumsy all the time?" I asked myself. 

Probably I was the last student in the batch but you managed to place me in the first row. I was keep thanking you & you said "No problem" with a smile. 

That was the day a new chapter started in my life and you were going to play an important role. Being a procrastinator I have a tendency to realise things quite late. But I must say, you were so consistent and patient too. I could sense the change in you occurred in the last couple of weeks but hope is a murderer of existing happiness. 

I was going with the flow without realising the flow was taking me towards you. I can't call it love but whatever it felt like was no less than magic. I remember the gleam in my eyes & that confidence was like an uninvited guest. Something was about to happen I knew. But hopes lead to heartbreaks. 

I had never come across a person so grounded, so polite, so helpful yet strict when it comes to his principles. There was a lot to learn from you. Where people lack basic etiquettes, you hold the every possible quality of a gentleman within you. How would I not fall for you.  

I'm glad, the frustration you tried to hide when I purposely ignored you, to make sure it mattered to you, the jealousy you bluntly manifested whenever I hung out with others, were not enough for me to be sure of you as a girl. But there was something else that you neither tried to hide nor show but I still saw. That was your "Helplessness". It felt like you were keep coming to me but weren't willing to, like you regretted every time you had shown your feeling to me, like you wanted to hold onto me but couldn't come along with me. 

All these thought were fading the cloud of my imagination so that I could see the things clearly. 

Your sharp gaze was enough to make me forget all my doubts but I had to stop myself looking into those eyes. Your indecisiveness was getting on my nerves. But it wasn't something I could easily give up on. 

And the day came, when all my bubbles were about to busrt. No matter how much we ignore our gut feeling but we can't escape what is destined to happen. 

She came there to surprise you. She even greeted all of us. A wise person with beautiful smile. You are lucky to have her I must say. She was so good that I hated myself for a moment for whatever I had thought of us both. 

We got an invitation for your wedding & I got a lesson for lifetime. "Our feelings don't define us, our choices do." I congratulated you & you said "thank you". I could see an apology in your eyes for giving me the hopes that you were never supposed to fulfill. 

I don't judge you. There were no promises, no commitments that you had broken & sometimes we are puppets of our feelings & I'm glad, in the end you did the right thing by letting me go.